The Human Piranha Teaches Salesmanship
Lenny Barshack started at Salomon Brothers in 1980 as a computer programmer and moved into sales a year later. Here he shares the salesmanship lesson his boss taught him on a client visit.
When this story occurs, I was working at Salomon Brothers in New York General Sales, which covered central banks, large insurance companies, and various mid-size accounts in the Northeast and was run by Bruce Carp. I was in the government unit, which was run by Tom Bernard, the “Human Piranha” in Michael Lewis’ Liars Poker. I was the derivative specialist.
Tom and I went to visit a large regional bank to do a face-to-face schmooze. We talked to them at their office and then we had the bank’s chief financial officer and chief investment officer out for dinner. We’re telling stories, we’re schmoozing, we’re drinking. We’re doing what salesmen are supposed to do: building relationships.
They’re good guys, but like a lot of bank managers then, not financially sophisticated. Wall Street guys were much better paid and a lot of the people working at banks were not paid well. Yet the bankers were responsible for very large portfolios. One of them lived on a farm and had a bunch of cows. I suppose you can be both financially astute and raise cows, but what are the chances?
We’re at dinner, and at one point I’m talking to one guy while Tom is focused on the other. We’re drinking and we’re bonding, and the guy I’m talking to looks at me and whispers, “I really like you. Can I tell you a secret?” We’re pretty lit at this point in the evening and I’m a little anxious about where this is leading. But I say, “Okay, tell me a secret. I won’t tell anybody, tell me your secret.” I have to say that, right? I can’t say I’m not interested!
He leans over and he whispers in my ear, “I’m going to be a millionaire.” And I look at him and say, “Wow, that’s great. That’s great news. Congratulations.” And he looks at me and says, “No, no, no, you don’t understand. I’m going to be a millionaire.” So I try to show more enthusiasm and happiness and certainty for his good fortune and I say, “Great, great, great!”
He says, “Well, aren’t you going to ask me how?” I say, “I didn’t know if I should ask, but if you want to tell me, I want to know. You’ve got to tell me now.” And the guy leans over and whispers to me, “I bought a zero-coupon bond, and in 30 years I’m going to be a millionaire.”
What the guy had done was buy a 30-year Treasury bond that had been stripped of all its coupons so only the principal payment due in 30 years remained. Given interest rates when this dinner occurred, he paid $30-$40 thousand for the zero. But sure enough, in 30 years the US Treasury was going to send him $1 million. He would be a millionaire in 30 years.
I’m new to the sales thing. I’m a quant and a bit of a nerd, and I’m a bit of an educator. I say, “You’re right, but it’s going to take 30 years for you to become a millionaire.” He says, “That doesn’t matter. I’m going to be a millionaire.” I say, “But in 30 years, a million dollars won’t have the same value it does today.” And he says, “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to be a millionaire.” And I say, “I know, but with inflation over 30 years, that million bucks is not going to be worth what a million bucks is worth now.” He says, “No, it’s $1 million. I’m going to be a millionaire.” He’s all excited he’s going to be a millionaire.
I’m trying to explain to him that there’s inflation, and he doesn’t give a shit. He’s going to be a millionaire. I’m trying to educate him, but this guy doesn’t want to be educated. He just wants to be a millionaire. I’m about to talk about alternative investment strategies that might work out better over a 30-year investment horizon. I’m about to expound on the price volatility of a 30-year bond and the annual tax on the zero’s accretion of discount. Meanwhile Tom, who’s been talking to the other guy, out of the corner of his eye or the corner of his ear, whatever, Tom becomes aware of my conversation with my guy.
And this is where Tom Bernard, the Human Piranha, shows his brilliance. Tom turns to my guy and says, “Did I hear you say you’re going to be a millionaire?” And my guy looks right at Tom, and says, “Yeah.” Tom says, “What did you do? Buy a zero-coupon bond that is going to be worth a million bucks?” The guy, he’s all excited, says, “Yeah.” Tom rips off his glasses and puts his nose right in the face of my guy and says, “You’re a fucking genius!”
If I’m asked how to become the consummate salesperson in any environment, this is the story I tell. Anybody going into sales needs to know this story and understand it. At that dinner, Tom Bernard taught me the importance of listening to what your customer wants to say and telling him what he wants to hear, and not confusing him with facts or complications. “You’re a fucking genius!” This guy, he walked away vindicated. He was a genius.
Lenny Barshack worked at Salomon for ten years in various positions before becoming head of proprietary trading at Smith New Court. His entrepreneurial activities since 1995 include co-founding Bigfoot International, Tribeca Tables, and AOBiome.com. Since 2018 he has been focused on Psychedelic Assisted Therapy and its ability to transform mental health.
After holding various senior positions at Salomon Brothers, Tom Bernard headed the high yield businesses at Kidder Peabody and Lehman Brothers. Later, he led all credit businesses at Lehman Brothers. Since 2017 he has been an advisor at Everside Capital Partners. Tom and his wife, Sallie, founded Ascendigo Autism Services in Aspen Colorado. He currently serves on the board of Autism Speaks.
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